Monday, February 28, 2011

Chaos Theory

"It turns out there are few things that are more chaotic than that of a human heart. Speeding up, slowing down, pretty face, flight of stairs, it’s always changing no matter what happens. It’s an erratic son of a *****. But underneath all that bump to bump mess, there is in fact, a pattern, the truth. And it’s love. Most important thing about love is we choose to give it. And we choose to receive it, making it the least random act in the entire universe. It transcends blood, it transcends betrayal, and all that dirt that makes us human. If you can figure that out, Jake’s got nothing on you."

This is literally my new favorite quote. Because of how true it is. In our world where EVERYTHING can cause some form of Chaos. We can always rely on our love for Friends or Family, and for those who have that certain special someone they have you. Regardless of what you say Love no matter WHAT is always the constant thing in our life, though we might not see it. There is always some form of Love in our hearts. 

It is up to us to Receive Love. We are the only person to hold us back from Receiving Love. We can be the only fault to our own heartless affair. But we need to realize that we have to also Give Love to Receive Love. Tell people you Love them whenever you get the chance. (doesn't mean you want to marry them.) But just tell other people that you Love them and they mean a lot in your life. Because when you start to tell people you love them then they can in turn give you love.

And we should always look at how our Heart keeps us alive. We often forget how it is one if not the only things to keep our bodies going. It gives us Life. Yet at the same time it gives us Grief, Hatred, and Sadness. We need to live our lives to where we don't let the Bad things get into our hearts. We need to keep ourselves in good working order. Follow your heart, But also USE your mind. But if you can keep your heart going, not letting Grief and Hatred and Sadness infest your life. And instead Live a Life of Love.  You can then maybe find True Happiness.

~ and Chaos Theory (starring Ryan Reynolds) was to me one of the best movies of my life. i'd tell people to check it out IF you are into movies with a deep mental message. Then PLEASE go check it out.

Anyways Night Night Time for ME!

-Jared <3

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Me, Literally Me

Well i'm new to the whole blogging craze so i thought why not tell people about myself? sort of a " My Story " to this date kinda thing. so here it goes.

I'm Jared Lee Hamblen, I'm 19. I'm a some-what Newly Diagnosed Type 1 Diabetic (REPRESENT!) I'm a 200 lbs. Hopeless Romantic. If you give me the time of day i will probably love you. (sad i know). My life hasn't been the most positive of lives. But i will try to tell you every thing about my life up to this date. (In a Summed up version)

Now i've never been a Looker, by Looker i mean "HOT". I've always been known as the Some-What Fat kid who is funny. For most of my life (literally all of it for the most part) I have never been looked at by the opposite sex, literally because of my looks. I know shallow right? But it's life and i've grown to deal with it. I've only had 1 girlfriend in my whole existence of life. And let's just say it didn't last very long. As i said before i'm a hopeless romantic, if you give me ANY time of day. (show interest in me or flirt) I will literally be like "OH MAH GAWD SHE WANTS ME" and try to get with you some stupid insane way. And you will constantly be in my mind, which is HEKKA BAD for me.

I've also been made fun of A LOT in my life so far, wether it be my weight or the way i look. It's been a constant problem of mine with the who weight thing. Being made fun of almost EVERY day by people about my weight was always enough to send me over the edge. But i tried my hardest to not let stuff get to me. But it always does and it's sad to say that. It's worse to get made fun of for being you, for being the way you look and act. It was terrible to realize that people just didn't like me due to how i am as a person, some SHIT right? But as i said i let it go and went on with my life.

Anyway it took me 18 years to get noticed by a Girl, and as i said it didn't end well. I've grown to live with the fact of being lonely. But 18 years of dealing with that fact is like someone shitting on your plate of food and telling you to eat it. A.K.A. IT SUCKS! And i will avidly admit, I DID HAVE SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. But i could NEVER get myself to actually doing anything drastic to myself. (i'm a wussy what can i say) So throughout my life i have been living off of my own personal will for living. I kept thinking one day someone will be by my side.

When that day happened i was like " NO ONE CAN STOP ME NOW!!?!?!?!?" But when it ended i was like " Where do i go from here? i can't go up... no one wants me..." So DOWN i went, into a shit hole of depression. As one can easily imagine Living 18 years without that Deep Relationship Connection can easily drive one over the edge. And it did, at least to me i was a wreck mentally. I would tell people i was fine but in reality i was a train wreck. I mean it's not like i am a Skinny, Cool guy that has EVERYTHING. I mean in this town looks are everything. And it's WACK.

So while dealing with all the B.S. of my life i stumbled upon a man named Evan Tanner, a UFC Fighter (one of the best in the world -my opinion-). He had a Quote that rang through my head like an Atom Bomb. And for the longest time i was literally LIVING off of that Quote i would wake up and say the quote in my head and start my day. It made me want to change my life, but i never had the driving force to do so. Until the DAY as i like to call it, BUT i will talk about that in a little while.

~~~ THE QUOTE~~~

"Believe In The Power Of One. Believe In Yourself. Believe In Your Own Potential For Greatness. Believe That You Can Change The World. It Is Something Within Each Of Us." - Evan Tanner

Now i would repeat that DAY after DAY after DAY. Constantly running it in my head. It ended up giving me SOME hope that if i Believe then anything can happen. AND it became the idea for my FIRST Tattoo. Which i will CHERISH for the rest of my life! But it took HIS Death, My Break up, AND of course THE DAY for me to realize that i need to change for REAL. I needed to 180 my life around and Believe.

IT means for Me (anyone, aka you, the person over there) To Believe in YOURSELF, to Try MY (YOUR) best at ANYTHING given to you. And to TRY to remain positive. Because if you Believe then ANYTHING is possible.

It is literally a memorial to Evan Tanner, BUT at the same time it's my own free will to be more MYSELF. I feel more down to earth with it. I feel more self-confident with it. AND i REALLY dislike Shaving...

Alright so i guess i should talk about THE DAY.

Now i was 190 in January of 2010, by June 8th, 2010 i was 138lbs. Yes that is right 138 lbs. How did i lose so much weight? let me tell you, it wasn't from an AWESOME diet, or working out CONSTANTLY. It was from Diabetes. Yes that is right Diabetes. Now i was a Normal kid until THE DAY. Now Ever since that day my life has been changed. But it was changed for the better. Now i was a Senior in High School. Getting ready to get out and move on with life, BUT what i didn't know was my life was going to change. Now for 6 count that 6 MONTHS i was always  weak, tired, SICK. I lost so much weight, i felt like i could get any girl. BUT i knew i was sick. after getting out of High School i realized i needed to see what was wrong with me. 

My parents were thinking a Thyroid problem and so was i, but in the back of our minds Diabetic was hiding. But we tried to just push that back and go with the Thyroid. Now i went to the Hospital on base on June 8th, 2010 and did some blood work and was told that my results would be back within a day, now i was tired so when i got home i went to sleep again. BUT was woken up around 2 hours later to the sound of my Doctor telling me i have a Blood Sugar of WAAAY over 400 (bad) and i had Ketons in my Urine (Protein in my Piss). And she told me to go to the E.R. ASAP. So i did, and then more blood tests just to check to see what the problem is.

So i sat there in the Hospital with my mother freaking out, what is wrong with me? I later find out (due to a doctor there) that i was a Type 1 Diabetic. My life at that EXACT moment Ended. I can't join the Military now, I'm LITERALLY FUCKED. AND on top of that, WHAT girl would want to Date AND OR marry a Diabetic? I mean my mind was BLOWN UP. The first day when my Mom and sister left i cried. I cried because my life was GONE. No where else but down i kept thinking. I cried every night for the first 3 nights. I kept thinking my life was over. But then a Nurse came in to check my Insulin machine and my IV and said, " Hey are you the newly diagnosed Diabetic?" all i could say is Yeah.

She stood there and looked at me and said, " Hey, i know times are rough right now. But i can tell by looking at you that you are a strong person, you will go far in this life. And this whole thing is just a little road block, and you will EASILY over come this and control it. And i know it does suck, but you can do it." Now for the first time ever i got some actual RANDOM person helping me. Helping through a Giant Nuke in my life. I didn't know her, but if i could ever find out who that was i would thank her for Everything! But after hearing that and saying thanks and her leaving i said to myself, " What the FUCK have the last 18 years of my life been? They have been nothing but Depression, Hate, and Anger. I NEED TO CHANGE MY LIFE. And i promised myself that since 06-08-2010 i would rise from the grave (sort of say) and live a more positive life.

I would try to Influence people through my words and maybe actions. Because it shouldn't take a Hospital for one to want to change their lives. It should be a simple want if not NEED to change. I've used this as i like to call it "Second Chance" at life to try to be not so down, and more of a happy guy. To want to better myself as well as others around me. Now i have literally 3 goals in life and they are:

1.) get married to someone who cares about me, and i care about them.

2.) have kids, and raise them to not judge, and to Believe and live awesome lives.

3.) influence someone to change their life, to want to live an awesome life.

Yes i do know that is quite a little list, but it's what i truly want in life. I want a family, that i can live with and have fun and live a happy life. And have kids that will also be happy and enjoy their lives. And i want to help someone in their time of need, in their grave (sort of say) i want to bring them back to life. And it's a simple act that will continue to others in the world. And will spread to those who truly need it. And somewhat as the quote said , " Believe that YOU can change the world". I truly believe wether BIG or SMALL i can change the world. And i hope one day that message will get across and i could cross at least one of my goals in life off.

So yeah that is a Summed up version of my life. Hope you liked it, was a pain to write it.. but maybe someone will get something out of it..


-Jared <3