Saturday, May 7, 2011

I'm Tired....Stupid Sh@#...(RANTRANTRANT)

I'm tired of the constant judgement.. I'm tired of this feeling of being alone.. I'm tired of seeing how many people are DOUCHE Bags... I'm tired of getting told how to live my life.. I'm tired of waking up and realizing that my thoughts are the only constant form or reassurance... I'm tired of never being normal again... I'm so fucking tired of hearing about bull shit issues.. I'm tired of being used for being me.. I'm more tired now that it's slowly starting to take away my Belief in myself..  I'm so tired of seeing people getting what they want.. I'm tired of feeling an empty part of your body is there... I'm tired of religion.. I'm tired of Politics...I'm tired of waiting for my night to come around so i can feel normal.. I'm tired of being so "Nice".. I'm tired of looking at myself in the mirror and saying, "You could be different...".. I'm tired of people talking about how they could "get out" of SV... I'm tired of fucking cellphones.. I'm tired of this life i see in front of me... I'm growing so tired of all of these things that i will sooner or later get tired of being me... And i will snap... And be who i most despise.. And no one could even think of stopping me... 

I do what i want to and in MY LIFE, i don't give a shit about what you do with yours... Wether it be you bitching about the smallest things or going on a vacation... I'm sorry that your life is "Hard"... Motha FUNKA i got Diabetes.. I can't be all happy go lucky with my life as i used to in the past.. My life is full of numbers.. Equations.. And repetitive things that would drive any man mad.. But you know what... NO.. I won't talk about myself.. Let me hear YOUR problems, YOUR DRAMA, YOUR LIFE, YOUR THOUGHTS, YOUR BULLSHIT... Since i guess YOUR life is more important then mine, or shit ANY other person in this world.. Since the WHOLE world rests on YOUR shoulders... Give me a FUCKING BREAK...

And i hate the feeling of having someone get you... then they trick the shit out of you.. I am one who loves being noticed.. But i am a shy guy at first.. But when someone even talks to me that is a girl after 30 mins of talking to you i'm going to think you dig me.. THEN i will just fold in my cards and realize i was WAY wrong in even thinking i could get with you... "What was i thinking...? I could never get a girl like that...." It's all that goes through my mind...

I feel like i work hard at life.. I might not go to church but i'm a good human.. I try to do right.. And be nice.. But when i get shit on almost 24/7 for living my life, how does that make anyone feel? It's fucking stupid to be sitting there trying to live your life when someone is constantly saying you FUCKED UP or YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG! Shit a fucking BRICK it's MY LIFE. IF I WANT TO DO DRUGS I WILL, IF I WANT TO DRINK I WILL, IF I WANT TO BE A DOUCHE BAG I WILL BE.

Doing something shouldn't make you an outcast, or shunned.. I fucking hate the feeling of being CONSTANTLY judged by people who have NO understanding of why i do what i do.. I do what i do because i want to get away from my fucked up life.. I get away from Diabetes even for a bit.. I can feel great about my life.. I can think only great positive thoughts.. And i can relax and enjoy EVERY little thing life has to give.. But to you i look like a Freak, an Addict.. The anti-christ.. Or even a lazy fuck hole of a friend...

But let me say this, When i do what i do i become a better person. I think about every detail in life. I become more aware of my surroundings.. I enjoy things.. I forget about house drama, My life right now, ANYTHING in life.. (stress etc etc) And i sit back and think, " Why are we here on earth? Why do we judge? Why do we not care...?" But when i'm back in reality all i can think about is "Did that person make fun of me? What is wrong now? What happened to you? Why is your day shitty?"

I'm also tired of being the first to do anything.. I'm usually the one to hit friends up to hang out.. or Chill. It's fine if you are tired and want to sleep.. But hanging out with other people or me even having to contact you first... It gets annoying.. I'm tired of being the one to force the friendship at times.. It's almost like i should just go off the grid and just stop talking in all.. And i love hanging out with you.. Straight up.. I just don't like it.. :\

I might not be "HOT".. But i have a MIND millions would love to have.. And a Heart most would never see.. It's amazing to me how people say "You're a great guy...Blah Blah..." But they actually mean to say " I don't find you attractive..." If i am such a great guy then why aren't we dating? Why am i constantly being thrown back into the closest? It's fucking repetitive.. It's because, though you may say you don't care about looks.. You truly do.. And you know it... You just say shit like this to make people like ME feel better.. You give us a sense of "pride" or "existence".. Next time just say, " Hey your words got me thinking.. And if only you were "Hot" then we could date or have some form of relationship.. BUT because you look just bleh.. So.. I will go out with the "Hot" guy just so i can get used again and then come back to you... THEN i will just rinse and Repeat... But yeah sorry you are just a great guy.. And you will find a girl sometime... (thinks in mind: PEACE HOMIE)" 

I'm seriously tired of the "Hot" or "Social structure Bull Shi-" Just look at me for who i am and what i am and say Yes or No. Stop with the mind games, the endless bull shit.. or even the dumb sayings.. I know who i am, and what i bring to the table in a relationship.. I've lived my life for 19 years.. through thick and thin i was the only one there... So i KNOW my Life... So tell me something i don't know? Tell me why i am constantly judged, Consistently ignored in the love life, And more importantly Caring so much about other people and their problems? Or shit better yet Tell me why your so "Perfect" and yet you feel like complete shit day in and day out... Seriously..

Get off your "High" horse bull shit.. Because funny fact, We are all the same.. But there is one thing you can't beat me at.. It's called growing up after my mistakes, learning my way through life.. And seeing things most people never see.. Because to be honest i've got more out of my life though i might not be perfect then you have or ever will... So if you want to actually find a NICE Guy NOT a "Nice" Guy.. Then HERE I FUCKING AM... Come get a look at what a REAL NICE GUY looks like.. Soak in it's sun.. Because Guess what i KNOW i'm a Good Guy.. But since i'm not "Hot" You missed me 9/10 times... Seriously... I'm tired of the bull shit...

Well i can think of much more.. but don't feel like writing it down.. If you read this i hoped you liked it.. If you hate me so be it.. I only say i'm sorry if i offended you.. But i'm seriously tired of all the B.S.



  1. wow, i must be a copy of you/you must be a copy of me, in parallel universes, you know.

  2. If this makes you ''feel'' any better i'm your female version

  3. I feel the same way about stupid sh@#. At least I know I'm not the only one.