Saturday, May 14, 2011

The Prayer....

I’ve had times where i’ve thought that maybe i was brought here for a reason.. But then i look at all the hate, the using, the drama… And i realize why the fuck am i around this stuff? Why do we constantly do these things? At times i feel like all i have is my Words.. Nothing more, Nothing Less.. Just Words… And i get used for Those Words constantly.. I guess one could say i’ve grown tired of my life being about me trying to be there for everyone, to help them get through their problems only to get those problems thrown back in my face..
(EXAMPLE) “This guy is a D-Bag i hate him blah blah.. for once in my life i wish i could find someone who cares about ME.. And Wants to be there for ME..” Then i say, ” Yeah it does suck to be used but use it as a learning experience. You are strong and will do many great things in this life.. Trust me.” Then ” Awe thanks, you know i wish i could date a guy like you.” Me Thinking ” Well i am here.. I am single.. I am always there for you… Yet you don’t see me.. STILL…”
Seriously it even goes like this.. ” Yeah i don’t like people based on looks..” Yet you go for the guy who is hot.. And has a nice car.. And he maybe even think somewhat like i do.. It’s bull shit.. IF YOU DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THOSE THINGS THEN WHAT IS STOPPING YOU FROM EVEN LOOKING AT ME IN A RELATIONSHIP MINDSET? I might not have a “HOT” Body.. Or a HELLA nice car.. But i have been there through your worst times.. I have seen things many people would NEVER see in their lives.. And i have a disease most will never get. I have Grown up in life, because i HAD to. While it seems like everyone around me is almost the same..
I’m also tired as all hell of being a fucking middle man.. By Middle Man i mean the guy you tell everything to. The guy that has no stress or drama until you drop the giant dump of a problem on me. I’m the guy you come to to tell the simplest or even the most insane confusing drama ever.. I’m also the guy that drags peoples asses out of their “Hell Hole”. Which is bull shit..  Now don’t get me wrong. I love hearing about your problems, and i love talking about life.. But being the guy that you literally bring the drama and all the unnecessary bull shit into my life is just enough.. I’M DONE WITH IT.
Now i feel sometimes that my words are all people care about from me. They love to hear my thoughts.. But they don’t actually seem to care about me.. And it makes me think of what will happen when i die? Will people remember me for what i wrote? Or will they remember me for who i was? Or would people even give a shit about me if i was to die? Or if i was on my death bed.. Would people care? Like it amazes me how people say they care about me, but it seems like they could give a shit less about me.. Because all they seem to care about is what i write..
I’ve seen for to long people say “Why do guys turn into ass holes out of no where? Or why do they blow me off like i am nothing? Or why does it seem like all guys are D-Bags?” You want the real answer? It’s because of people like YOU. People who basically say “Fuck You, you are not hot.” You wonder why the nice guys change? It’s because they change because they’ve been told that they are to nice for them.. Or don’t deserve you.. Look at me, i am in no means hot. But when i try my damn near hardest to get into a relationship i get shot down countless times. Why? Because i am not “Hot” i do not own a sexy ass car.. 
I’m sorry that i am a THINKER. I’m sorry that everything i own in my life is in my mind. All the heartbreaks.. All the sadness, anger, joy, triumphs. ALL of my ” worthless belongings” are all in my mind. They are EVERY SINGLE fucking thing i have grown and lived with in my life. They are what make me ME, NOT SOME “HOT” BODY OR A FLASHY CAR. ME I AM WHAT MAKES ME ME. And i’m tired of being told me “Be ME” and Girls will follow.. I FUCKING AM ME AND I KNOW I AM SO SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT ME BEING ME. I have been there when i was down, I have been there when i was at my greatest.. Who are you to tell me to be me?
I’m so sorry that my not so hot body is the reason why you won’t actually date someone like me.. Seriously get off that high ass horse you sit on and LOOK AT ME.  LOOK AT MY LIFE, LOOK AT WHERE I WAS AND WHERE I AM. THEN judge me based off of that. Because 9/10 i will always win the “Who is better” event. Because my life has never been easy. I’ve never been handed shit. I got my Car, I got my Phones, I got my Tv. I’ve bought EVERY Thing i own. So before you sit there and think, “Oh this guy is hella nice.. but man.. i wish he was more hot..” Think about EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING I’VE SAID…
I mean at times it seems like i’d be easier to literally just let “God” Take me. Because all of the bull shit and everything i’ve seen or see daily just drives me nuts. (( I’m not going to kill myself…)) But you hear me? It’s like what’s the point of even saying you don’t do this or that.. Yet you do it daily. So please Stop all the random bull shit.. Stop the Drama. Stop the using.. Stop the judgement.. Stop everything.. Be YOURSELF, BE HAPPY and BELIEVE. Because i’ve started doing all of these yet it feels like i never did.. All the non-stop crap.. Just END IT.

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