Rant Rant Rant... Sad Sad Sad...

Well i think about my love life, and how awesome it is. A.K.A. it's NON-EXISTANT. And i always think about the same thing, Why me? Is it because i'm not an Ass? Or because i'm not "Hot"? OR because i happen to have my own goals in life? It's been stumbling me for a long time now. How has no one seen who i am? Is it me? Or is it them? Am i going crazy? Or them? It's a constant thought in my head. Why, Why have i been cursed to be alone for so long? Is there a greater purpose in my life that people just see me and go, "Don't even look or think about THAT guy there."

Because no matter what the cause i know no matter  HOW positive i try to be will remain my MAIN cause of pain and sorrow within myself. The loneliness of knowing there is nothing here for you. No one of the opposite sex to talk to about things. To reveal who i truly am. It's impossible. Because simply put no one ever gives me a shot, from the way i dress to the way i act. And i KNOW i'm only 19, But think about that. 19 Years of Loneliness. And it took me a long time to actually face this. And i know that i love myself. 

SO I'M TIRED OF HEARING, " YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF BEFORE OTHERS LOVE YOU"  I've been loving myself for the past 8 years. BECAUSE THAT WAS THE ONLY WAY I COULD GET THROUGH. I've loved myself when those have hated me, and put me down. I WAS THE REASON I AM HERE TODAY. So please when i say why am i lonely? don't pull the you have to love yourself card. THOUGH I KNOW IT IS TRUE.

Now I had an awesome weekend, i tried something and have to say i've fallen in love. SIMPLY because it helped me relieve SO MUCH STRESS. And in the end i felt great. And Now i sit back and look at my life as it is now and realize i feel like shit.. My life in my eyes looks bad.. And i wish my life could always be as great as it was over the weekend... But there isn't any possible way.. At least not until i leave this place..

-Jared